The Tusken Raiders / OBSCURE

Playing Audio Log 052

Interviewer: We are here live with the infamous crime syndicate leader – Darth Mango. He is currently sitting in his cell, awaiting the death penalty. So, tell us a little bit about yourself.

Darth Mango: I’m not sure where to begin.

Interviewer: How about your road to becoming a Sith Lord?

Darth Mango: Well I guess it all started back on the farm.

Interviewer: The farm?

Darth Mango: Yes, the farm… the mango farm I grew up on.

Interviewer: Continue.

Darth Mango: Well ah, you probably don’t know this, but before I became Darth Mango… I was known as Papa Mango.

Interviewer: Chuckles Papa Mango

Darth Mango: Yes, actually. The locals gave that name to me. It’s quite fitting actually, I dominated the mango market of the entire planet.

Interviewer (Sarcastically) : The entire planet huh, that’s uh, pretty impressive.

Darth Mango: Nods head appreciatively I know, but it does help to put things in perspective. With a population of 500, it’s not like I was Emperor Mango or anything. You know?

Interviewer: Of course… Emperor Mango, now that would be impressive.

Darth Mango: Yes, well… anyways. Back on topic. I ruled the mango industry with an iron fist. If it involved mangos, it involved me. Becky thinks my mangos aren’t fruity enough? Well Becky can rot at the bottom of a well. Becky is, cough. I’m sorry, Becky was… bad for business.

Interviewer: Things were that tight huh?

Darth Mango: Of course, they had to be. It was a small planet, and reputation was everything.

Interviewer: So you’ve told us your backstory, but what drove you to becoming a Sith Lord?

Darth Mango: Damnit boy! I was just getting to that. Anyways, picture it. A normal day: partly cloudy, sun was shining bright, moderate temperature. I was overseeing the mango picking operations, as I normally do. And then… and then…

Playing Audio Log 053

Interviewer: Are you… are you okay?

Darth Mango: Yes yes, I’m fine. It’s just, the memories, all flooding back. That day was the day I lost my mango farm, and everything I loved with it.

Interviewer: Please. Take your time.

Darth Mango: Pirates. They came; they pillaged; they killed. I watched as my mangos were burned to ash on the ground. Every. Last. One.

Interviewer: That must have been hard.

Darth Mango: On that day I vowed to avenge all of the mangos lost. A mission I have still not succeeded in.

Interviewer: I see, I’m terribly sorry for you. What did you do afterwards?

Darth Mango: I was distraught. Broken. Everything I had known up to that point had been taken out from under me in one fell swoop. I took off, left my old life behind, and became a Sith Lord.

Interviewer: Just like that? You just, dropped everything, and became a Sith Lord?

Darth Mango: That is what I said, isn’t it? Yes. The first thing I did? I caught a ride to the nearest planet, found a bar, and got drunk. In that dingy craphole was where I met one of my partners… Rainbow Fette.

BADABOOM! BAM! BLAST!

Guard 1: Aaaaaaarggehhhhh!!!

Guard 2: Noooo!!! Aahhhhhhhgg!!!

Interviewer: Screaming WHO ARE YOU!

Playing Audio Log 054

Rainbow Fette: I’m the reason babies cry when they’re born.

Darth Mango: What took you so long Rainbow?

Rainbow Fette: I was enjoying the interview.

Interviewer: Hold up. You’re Rainbow Fette.

Rainbow Fette: That’s me.

Darth Mango: Wait here, I need to get my lightsabre.

Rainbow Fette: Hell no, now we gotta get outta here. Let’s go!

Darth Mango: I can’t leave without my lightsabre.

Alarms Blare

Interviewer: Hold up, you’re taking me with you right. I can’t live like this. Thirteen credits an hour. For what?

Rainbow Fette: And why would we do that?

Interviewer: That’s a cutlass right? You can’t fly a three man ship with 2 people.

Darth Mango: And why can’t we? He got here with a single person just fine.

Interviewer: You seriously don’t plan on escaping a military prison airspace with only you two. Do you?

Rainbow Fette: That’s exactly we plan on doing. Pulls gun And turn that damn camera off.