Welcome, my fellow seekers of truth, to the Church of the Almighty Space Whale (may He orbit forever)!
In the year of our Whale 2755, after a fated jump drive malfunction, the great High Reverend Baleen discovered His Gargantuanness, the Almighty Space Whale (may He orbit forever), slumbering peacefully in the Nemo system near the then unnamed 3rd planet, now simply referred to as Nemo III. It was at this time that His Enormity, the Almighty Space Whale (may He orbit forever) revealed the truth of Himself to Father Baleen.
This glorious encounter became the driving force of the remainder of Father Baleen’s life, prompting him to form the beginnings of the Church as we know it today. The Church’s mission since then has always been one of enlightenment, as we seek to educate the less fortunate and uninformed about the great mysteries and the glorious presence of His Collosalness, the Almighty Space Whale (may He orbit forever).
The purpose of the Church of the Almighty Space Whale (may He orbit forever) is to promote enlightenment for those who have not yet come to know the truth of His Humongousness, the Almighty Space Whale (may He orbit forever).
We seek to cut through the veil of lies and misinformation being propagated by the corrupt media outlets of the UEE, who claim that His Prodigiousness, the Almighty Space Whale (may He orbit forever) is simply a “naturally forming asteroid.” In addition we seek to protect His Giganticness, the Almighty Space Whale (may He orbit forever) from the ignorant and malicious opportunists of the nearby planet Ergo, who in their blasphemy, view Him as merely a “tourist attraction,” until the day that He awakens in glory.
We conduct a monthly pilgrimage for the dedicated brothers and sisters of the Church so that they may bask in the radiant presence of His Tremendousness, the Almighty Space Whale (may He orbit forever). All are welcome in the Church, and the Church welcomes you all.
As He was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, Whale without end.
Amen.
The Church of the Almighty Space Whale (may He orbit forever) is a just and loving faith dedicated to knowledge and exploration of the universe.
We ask only that our members respect themselves and their fellow intelligent beings as we are all children of His Monumentalness, the Almighty Space Whale (may He orbit forever), and strive to do their best to educate others about His glorious mysteries, so that we may all be prepared for His triumphant awakening day!
Go forth and spread the good news!