5 members
Vogon Corporation of Galactic Bureaucracy / VOGONCGB
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Trading -
Infiltration
When the first primeval Vogons crawled out of the sea, evolution gave up on them. Through sheer obstinacy, the Vogons survived (partly by adapting a misplaced, badly malformed, and dyspeptic liver into a brain). As the radio show says: “What nature refused to give to them, they did without.”
History
Initially from the planet Vogsphere; they emigrated en mass to the MeagaBrantis star cluster, the political hub of the galaxy, slowly filling every position throughout the “Universal” political parties. They banished the ruling philosophers to the tax office to lick stamps and within a few short Voge years took over pretty much all of the galactic civil service: where they form most of the Galactic bureaucracy, most notably in the Vogon Constructor Fleets (which, despite their name, patrol the galaxy demolishing planets). The only named Vogons in the stories are Jeltz (see below), Kwaltz, Zarniwoop, revealed to be a Vogon in the Quintessential Phase, and Jeltz’s son Constant Mown.
As the old Empire collapsed, a long sullen silence settled over a billion worlds, only further disturbed by the pen scratchings of scholars as they labored in The Dark over smug little treaties on the value of a planned political economy. “Yes,” said the old man, pausing to gaze hopelessly round. “Ten million years of planning and work gone just like that. Ten million years, Earthman … can you conceive of that kind of time span? A galactic civilization could grow from a single worm five times over in that time. Gone.” He paused. “Well that’s bureaucracy for you,”
Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz’ final work manifested into the dense, dense, very dense… VOGON CORPORATION OF GALACTIC BUREAUCRACY or simply VOGONCGB. The arm was the holder of a vast array of civil service products, including ship repair, the DSVL (Department of Space Vehicles and Licensing), and numerous other trades. Only rumors exist of a branch that is full of subversion and infiltration but no one seems to believe those.
Unfortunately Jeltz DID develop the Company Secrets Division to ensure the flow of the one thing they value most of all, control of all paper trails. Rather like catnip, knowing and slowing the flow of said knowledge provide the only comfort a Vogon desires, resulting in the retention and collection of grocery receipts. Little did anyone know, their pillows’ contents averaged 78% paper.
Oddly enough, the corners of space between the Sagittarius and Perseus galactic Arms began to squeak. The Vanduul and UEE Conflict officially became noticeable. New business prospects and the sheer amount of damage to be facilitated, peeked the interest of prominent Vogons. The CGB had only one choice of action. An excursion fleet with enough replacements for a lifetime were sent to UEE space with a handful of human liaisons and was built around a Banu Merchantman as the Flagship – “Dentrassi’s Opression”. Who knows what riches and vast lines of red tape may be gained.
See http://hitchhikers.wikia.com/wiki/Vogon for further details
Manifesto
The President in particular is very much a figurehead—he wields no real power whatsoever. His job is not to wield power but to draw attention away from it. Distracting people from the real sources, we’re never told who really has the power in this government. Can the Corporation of Galactic Bureaucracy, which is full of Vogons, be the man behind the curtain? Is it corporations like the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation? We don’t know. All we do know is That power is something the president doesn’t have. What the Patent office head is to is to Earth, Jeltz is to the galaxy, which sounds pretty majestic until you realize that he’s just a bureaucratic functionary: he’s a guy (er… a Vogon) with a job, not some supervillain monster that wants to destroy Earth for some insane but personal reason. It’s just a job, but it certainly isn’t all that.
“Here is what to do if you want to get a lift from a Vogon: forget it. They are one of the most unpleasant races in the Galaxy. Not actually evil, but bad-tempered, bureaucratic, officious and callous. They wouldn’t even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal without orders – signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters. The best way to get a drink out of a Vogon is to stick your finger down his throat, and the best way to irritate him is to feed his grandmother to the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal. On no account should you allow a Vogon to read poetry at you.”
On Vogsphere, the Vogons would sit upon very elegant and beautiful gazelle-like creatures, whose backs would snap instantly if the Vogons tried to ride them. The Vogons were perfectly happy with just sitting on them. Another favourite Vogon pastime is to import millions of beautiful jewel-backed scuttling crabs from their native planet, cut down giant trees of breathtaking beauty, and spend a happy drunken night smashing the crabs to bits with iron mallets and cooking the crab meat by burning the trees.
While entering the fray, Vogons finally can feel at peace, as all ships must request for things. Remember by the end, everyone just gives in, unless of course, their body revolts.
Even Evolution tried to forget the Vogons, how can you?
Charter
The Vogons’ battle-cry, and counter-argument to dissent – “resistance is useless!”
Our goal is simple -
- To obstruct, deny, subvert and sandbag all competition to bend to our will, Albeit “legally”, the paper trail never lies.
- There will always be a need for UEE individuals who love money and true power.
- Trading is the game and knowing and moving information is the most tantalizing part of it. Sure there will be need for big guns but they are a last resort – Wink*
So far the UEE excursion arm of the VOGONCGB’s Fleet is built around a Banu Merchantman as the Flagship – “Dentrassi’s Opression”
All Citizens welcome.
Let me be heard, you want to know what my charter is?
A: Resistance is Useless
PA – Any of the Dentrassi species found in the galaxy without supervision, by statute 374.286.297815-16-12.058, must board and enter their legal position as Cook otherwise punishable by Permanent Airlock Archiving.
